I decided back in September to write enough Christmas Poems to fill a small book…ho ho ho, ha ha ha, I didn’t manage it. But I did write a few, so I’ll post them here over the next couple of weeks both written and recorded. Herewith is Rudolph’s Rebellion. First performed in public at Apothecary Words in Bridport on the 13th December 2017.
Rudolf’s Rebellion
You can hear me read the poem if you click on the link below – otherwise read on…
Rudolf’s had enough
he’s fed up, he’s resigned
he doesn’t want to pull that sleigh
another bloody mile
he’s over it
he’s done his bit
round the world and back
every year, forever, with Santa and his sack
now he’s sat down on his haunches
he’s refused to budge an inch
FC shouted, spat and stamped
the other reindeer flinched
Rudolf was having none of it
he’d worked without a break
time to retire! Go out to grass
his pension he would take
I’ve had to raise the limit
of retirement for my lads
I must inform you of your rights
or lack of them, I should add
if you were born before the 50’s
you would have been okay
but sorry to tell you Rudolf
you missed it by a day.
you’ll have to draw your horns in
work longer for your money
what? splattered Rudolf
if that’s a joke it isn’t funny!
I know that you’ve worked long and hard,
I understand you are upset
and frankly with your bright red nose
you’re more than just a pet
but times are hard, the money’s short
austerity means there’s less
you’ll have to give me one more year
and then we’ll re-assess
I’m getting old, my bones all ache
my flat feet all have corns
I get out of breath when in the clouds
and my antlers are all shorn
well, what do you think it’s like for me?
climbing chimneys and the like
delivering toys, of every kind,
every other one a bike
Dasher and Dancer looked forlorn
Vixen and Comet distraught
Cupid, Dunder and Donner were drunk
they’d finished last year’s port
don’t worry, I can sort it out
said Santa to the rest
I’ll talk to Rudolf, make him see
remaining with us is the best
Rudolf sighed, there seemed no choice,
but he wanted to leave while able
just talking about it made no sense
with no offers on the table
the leaders canvassed long and hard
should Rudolph leave or remain?
everyone had to take a vote
no-one could abstain
the outcome wasn’t decisive
with a split of fifty-fifty
vote rigging was suggested
the tellers all looked shifty
after one more round of talks –
more like shouting verbal abuse
no further progress could be made –
not in time for the evening news
they agreed to defer any action
until after this Christmas was done
but with his eye fixed securely on Rudolph
father Christmas began cleaning his gun. . .
HO HO HO….
Ninette Hartley© December 2017
