Author Archives: ninette90

National Bereaved Parents Day

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TOSH 

The whole of July is National Bereaved Parents Awareness Month and today, July 3rd, is National Bereaved Parents Day. I am a bereaved parent and this epithet was given to me without my choosing. When I first lost Tosh I turned to the Compassionate Friends, a charity for bereaved parents and siblings. Through them I met other parents who had lost their children. This loss can happen at any age and for any reason.

I will be thinking of the parents and their lost children throughout the day today. I remember being surprised at how many there were and how those numbers increased every single day. As a bereaved parent, you are not alone and we will all be talking about our lost ones today. If you know anyone who has lost a child, take a moment out of your day to think of them.

Another charity is A Child of Mine They chose the theme this year #keepingtheirmemoryalive

Our family talk about Tosh all the time, keeping those memories alive and keeping him with us in our hearts. It is said that you die twice, once when you leave this world and the second when people stop talking about you. Let’s keep on talking…

Ollie S, Mark W and Matt W, Mark Wa, Fergal, Christopher and many more… Talking and thinking of you all today ❤️

The Plaque at Arnos Vale in Bristol

Gorf Jam 2021…

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Last weekend was the Gorf Jam. An annual event since we lost Tosh. Some of the graffiti artists from around the Westcountry, some friends and family gather together to paint a wonderful tribute, usually a variation of his tag, GORF which is FROG backwards. This year was the tenth anniversary of Tosh’s death and they painted on a legal site.

This year was the first time I had actually attended the event. There are a couple of reasons why: for many years we were still living in Italy and it wasn’t practical to get over to the UK, usually it’s in January, as close to the anniversary of his death as possible (bit cold for me) and lastly I wasn’t sure I could really handle meeting up with his friends and contemporaries, watching them do the very thing that Tosh loved — I thought I would find it all too emotional.

Well, this year, The Man and I made it! It was emotional there’s no doubt about that. It was a lovely sunny day last Saturday so I couldn’t make the cold weather an excuse. Finally, we now live in Dorset so not far to travel.

What surprised us both, The Man and me, was the incredible talent of all the painters. We arrived around 11.30am and they had been there since 10 and incidentally didn’t finish until after 4pm! Each piece of graffiti was still in its early stages of creation when we got there. We watched them work. They had some ideas written on small pieces of paper, or on their phones, which they carefully transposed onto the wall of the tunnel — We were at St Werburgh’s tunnel in Bristol. This year there were four main painters plus Tosh’s brothers, sister and nieces and a few friends too, who all enjoyed a little paint. I declined to have a go…not sure why and now, of course, I wish I had daubed something alongside the others.

The artists prepared the wall first by painting over anything already there with enormous amounts of emulsion paint, giving them a ‘blank canvas’ if you like, from which to start. Gradually the images built up with the most amazing skill. Each layer bringing more depth and more texture. I’m no expert at explaining art but the whole process was impressive.

The Man could not get over how one guy painted straight lines with a roller and not a plumb line or any other kind of guide for him to follow. Another artist could fashion a pretty perfect circle. I’m not going to write any more about it, but will post as many pictures as I can. With thanks to all the painters, Halo, Instaminto, Tomo and Ronny Oner — and I’m so in awe of your work. ❤️

The Tunnel

Work in Progress

Brothers and friends getting in on the action…

The finished pieces…

 

Independent Bookshop Week …

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This week is Independent Bookshop Week so get buying down at your local.

I am a massive supporter of independent bookshops. When I published Dear Tosh I was determined to get it into the local shops or at least get the book into a situation where it could be ordered from a local bookshop.

As a self-published author it’s been difficult. I’m not famous, haven’t published anything before so have no sales records. The bookshops are unlikely to order copies on spec, but via social media, I have encouraged as many people as possible to get down to the high street and visit their wonderful bookshops.

Here’s Dear Tosh in the  Bookshop in Bridport 

You can also find it in LIttle Toller Books in Beaminster, Bookbag Exeter and order it from any local store.

New Roof Old Photos…

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An odd title for this post but apt. A new roof has replaced the broken leaky one on our cottage, and at last the builders have finished. The final job was for them to clean the attic. I was impressed because they brought their own vacuum. Over the years, many of mine have been ruined by builders – can you relate to that?  After they left, I popped up to check out their work. I was pleasantly surprised to see that apart from a little dust, it was okay.

Looking around, my eyes strayed to a box of old photographs and some albums. It was probably a mistake to delve into them but I couldn’t resist. I found an album from 1985, our trip to Canada, which I write about in my memoir Dear Tosh. Such wonderful memories. If you’ve read the book you’ll like these photographs I think.

Two of my favourite photographs…(I do have many favourites though) 

‘Ginger’ the pony and Jo (nanny) – we took the boys out for a picnic…happy days…

I’m going to have another root around in the attic for more photos now… Just the thing to do on a Sunday.

By the way…I’ve changed the name of the blog so that it just says Ninette90. I completed the ninety notes but I’m going to continue with the blog.

It’s Done…It’s Out There…

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Dear Tosh is now out in the big wide world for everyone to see. The agony of wondering and waiting to hear what people make of it is quite something. But, I have had some amazing feedback already. I haven’t posted any names but they are genuine comments. Here are a few snippets:

“I loved the way you talked to Tosh in the letters and it was so honest and natural and beautiful. I’m so sad that he’s gone, and even though I never met him, it feels like you’ve brought him to life for us all to meet.” 

“Your story told your way has bravery, unshakeable love, loyalty, devotion and gratitude for Tosh’s life…”

“It’s a beautiful book Ninette, arrived in the post today and I cannot put it down.”

“It’s absolutely beautiful Ninette…” 

I hope many people read it and that it makes them want to write about their life experiences too. I’m not looking to be a best selling author. I hope that one book travels through many hands. You can hear me talk about it here with my son Matthew Rickard on his Youtube Channel 1095. At the end of the recording I read the poem ‘A Day in The Life’ which is a Beatles medley for Tosh. You can see it below.

I really love this poem and it comes almost at the end of the book. There are six poems dotted throughout the memoir and I love them all.

Dear Tosh is available to buy from independent bookshops or online from the bookshop.org  and many other sites.

Online Launch of Dear Tosh…

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Just a quick post to let you all know about the online launch of Dear Tosh which is planned for 20th May 2021 at 19.30. It’s free to register on the link here:

DEAR TOSH ONLINE LAUNCH 

Hope to see you all there.

Launch Picture

I wish I could offer you sparkling wine and canapés and book signing but that will have to wait until the autumn I think. No reason why I can’t launch again – in the flesh  so to speak!

 

Publication Day for Dear Tosh…

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20th May 2021 is the publication date for my memoir, Dear Tosh. You can pre-order at any bookstore or online HERE

This is a very exciting time for me but also very stressful! The whole self-publishing journey is proving to be a long and steep learning curve. Next time it should all be a great deal easier…YES there will be a next time…I’ve started work on it already.

 

 

3D V3

 

WATCH THIS SPACE FOR NEWS OF THE ONLINE BOOK LAUNCH OF DEAR TOSH …

Cover Reveal…Here it is….

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You have no idea how long I have waited to write and say those words. Today is the day.

I hope you all love this cover as much as I do. This photograph of Tosh was taken by his brother Will Hartley, in December 2010. You can see more of Will’s photography here

I think the photograph makes a wonderful cover. Simple, understated, and I love the way Tosh is running towards the viewer. I’m not going to say anymore just yet. I want to give everyone time to absorb the image. More information on publication date etc., to follow.

9781838421007

The Waiting Game…

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The final stages leading up to the printing and publication of my book Dear Tosh seem to be taking forever.

IMG_4249

My little mock-up of the book cover. I like to place myself in good company! 

We went to France in October before lockdown and returned in the middle of March, before France locked down again. I don’t regret spending those five months in the Languedoc, we had warmish weather and not a lot of rain, although it was a tad windy for a great deal of the time. The Tramontane wind gusts through the region bringing with it a chill to the air.

le shuttle

Le Shuttle

Returning to England was a bit of a pain with all the documents, Covid tests, etc., that had to be completed, but it was worth it all in the end. 

Back in our cottage in Dorset. Jpeg was exhausted after her long journey from France — as were we. 

Although our time in France was spent mostly in confinement (lockdown) I am pleased that we went. I would not have been able to finish the book had we not gone. Dear Tosh is written as twenty-seven letters to him; one for each year that he lived. Being in France enabled me to write in the moment but remembering his life and looking back from the point of view of the tenth anniversary of his death, using the dates of 2020 and 2021 as starting points for each letter. I think it works really well.

I sent the word document through to the typesetters and they have now returned it twice with amendments. I didn’t realise that I would have to watch out for errors that occurred when transferring my written word through their typesetting software programme. Apparently, it sometimes picks up underlying formatting from word that is not visible when you just look at the document. There were only a couple of errors, but I’m trying hard not to let anything slip by. I’m hopeful that by the end of next week I will have given it the thumbs up and it will be sitting on the desk of the printers by the middle of April. At which point I’ll be able to do a ‘cover reveal’ and begin to put the wheels in motion for everyone to buy it through local bookshops, online or directly from me.

book printing

Printing My Book

I’m trying hard to record an audio version of the book, and have set myself up at home with all the equipment I need. It’s not as easy as I thought. Getting my head around how to save each chapter as a file,  making sure my voice is the same for each recording session, recording volume, editing, mastering… and so it goes on. I think I’m getting there now — although I have started over about three times. I once got as far as chapter 15 but then realised it just wasn’t quite right. It’s a massive learning curve!

Me in my ‘home studio’ what you can’t see is the window is covered with a bedspread and a duvet and behind me there is usually a clothes airer with a double duvet hung over it. Anything to get some kind of soundproofing…not easy when a tractor thunders by or The Man decides to have a loud telephone conversation with someone downstairs! Check out the slippers…they say you should be comfortable…download

Self Publishing. . . a steep learning curve…

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self-publishing

 

I’ve finished the book and now begins the road to publication. I have purposely not chosen to pitch to an agent and go down the traditional route. I realise this will upset a lot of people, but I simply don’t have the time. My book Dear Tosh is a memoir that I have been writing on and off over the last ten years. Last year for one of my MA modules I wrote 5,000 words about losing my son and they were well received by my tutor and by my colleagues. It focused my mind, and with the tenth anniversary of his death coming up in 2021, I pulled everything together and the result was a memoir of twenty-seven letters written to Tosh over the period from November 2020 to February 1st 2021; covering the anniversary, being in France with The Man, living with the lockdown, all these factors contributed to the making of the book. I feel it needs to be published and available before the moment is gone.

It’s a big responsibility, publishing your own book. I do not want to send something out that can be criticised for its lack of professional appearance in any way whatsoever. I was told that one mistake people make is to try and design the cover themselves, so I’ve handed that over to a specialist company. I’ve worked with a mentor to get the structure of the book right and I’ve made sure the text has been proofread by a professional three times. Rather than exporting from my computer onto a PDF to send to the printer, I’m using the typesetters. All this is costing, and I am fully aware of the privileged position I am in to be able to do this but…I am seventy years old now, and I’ve waited a long time for this. I hope the book circulates to thousands of people — but I’ll settle for a few hundred — actually, I suppose I’ll settle for a few friends buying a copy 😂. So far, those who have read the manuscript, have given glowing reviews and endorsements. Fingers crossed for a minor success. 🤞

This is just the beginning. If it’s meant to be, I might be picked up by an agent for future books that I write, and I won’t have to be waking up at 5.30 in the morning, worrying about the next step of the process, but I’m sure there will still be plenty of panicking to do.

I’ll keep you up to date with the progress but at the moment I’m aiming for a publication date in April. That’s if I can stop fiddling with the text, worrying about photographs for the cover and put the thing to bed. This week HAS to be the final week of editing and tweaking. By Wednesday, I want it off my desktop and in the hands of those who know what they’re doing at this stage of the game.