Writing About Your Loss. . .

Tosh 1983 – 2011

Last night I joined a radio programme on BBC Five Live to talk about, ‘How to deal with grief when you lose a child in sudden/unjustified/ inexplicable circumstances’. You can hear it by clicking on this link. BBC Five Live Stephen Nolan The interviews begin around 12.02.

Colin Knox, father of Rob Knox the young actor from Harry Potter who was fatally stabbed in 2008 was also on the programme. We talked about the loss of our sons and how we’ve coped with grief over the years. I said that writing helped me a great deal and I remembered that I had posted a blog about this in January 2022. If you haven’t seen it yet, you can read it by clicking on this link: Writing to Someone You Have Lost

There are many other ways of coping with grief and writing about it isn’t for everyone. Each person’s loss and grief is different. But give yourself time and allow yourself to grieve in the way you need.


Courage is needed
open your heart and share your words with friends
small steps at first accept that proffered hand
repair takes time grasp each stage

In the end grief will diminish
though it will never leave
out of the haze the light will emerge
night always passes



8 thoughts on “Writing About Your Loss. . .

  1. Very well spoken, Ninette. You were most impressive and gave such good advice which I’m sure will be most helpful to others. Well done

    1. Thanks Jim. It was quite hard actually, especially after listening to the parents and siblings of the Nottingham students, Barnaby Webber and Grace O’Malley-Kumar. Took me back 12 years. ❤️

  2. My heart goes out to you both, and all others that have had to suffer the tragedy of something like this.
    To lose a child to an illness, you have time to prepare yourself, time to begin to grieve in “readiness” for the inevitable.
    To lose your child to something that took them so quickly, either through accident or by someone else’s hand, is beyond comprehension.
    My friend lost her son two years ago, he fell from a cliff on his way home walking along the coastal path in the dark. How does one deal with that. I told her about Tosh, and your book.

  3. Loss and grief are such personal things and like you, I have found that writing about it has helped me to start healing. I also think that sharing it with others has helped me too. I hope that some of what I have shared may have provided something helpful or comforting to someone else who is on their own journey with loss and grief.

    1. I’m glad that you have found solace through writing. It really does help. I imagine painting could be just as therapeutic, but I’m no good at that. I also hope others are helped by what I share. x ❤️

  4. Dear Ninette. I will listen to the programme later as off to pottery class in a mo. I never knew we shared similar experiences. My 19 year old son Paul passed suddenly when away at uni in 1997. I threw myself into art. It did help to write a letter to him. I put it up on top of a tall cupboard in my bedroom. So he could read it if his spirit visited! Years later I wrote to the coroner’s office about how inquest etc had been handled. That at last gave me some closure and they have filed it with the notes. That particular coroner had already passed on himself by then. Like you I have found the awful news about what happened in Nottingham quite difficult as it has brought everything back. Most times I am now able to remember my lovely Paul in happy times and not by the way he died. My heart goes out to you both about your beloved Tosh. Hugs from a fellow smog. xx

    1. Dear Chrissy, So sorry to read this. It really is the most awful experience. I’m glad you were able to write and to use art as a form of therapy. It certainly helped me. We never stop thinking about them do we? It was hard to do the interview but I’m glad I did. Hugs to you too ❤️

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